BIBLE FIGHT!

Nothing says Happy Mother's Day like Bible Fight. This brand new game brought to you by the fine people at Adult Swim.com brings together two things I love best: sacrilege and a militant Mother of God. You can play as 7 characters, pitting Moses against Eve, Noah against Satan, Jesus against Mary and Himself as a baby...when "Ye are deemed worthy", you can unlock God and play the bearded one against Satan, a.k.a. the ultimate Grudge Match. So it's silly, whatever. And if you believe in such things, it could possible damn you to an eternity in purgatory...I'd say it's worth it, if only to see Noah summon all his animals to trample Moses under their various hooves.

PARTIES: White Tees, White Belts

White Tees, White Belts can officially count itself among one of the best Philly transplants to NY, an ostentatious list which includes cheesesteaks, pretzels, John Bolaris (our former weatherman), and myself. War and Moon imported this fine dance party as the latest cherry on their proverbial sundae of secret location "warehouse" parties and mid-week open bars. Now, I never got to go WTWB while I was in Philly, so I don't have much to compare it's NY version too. However, $15 for an all night Open Bar was enough to get me there, and the DJs (including Catchdubs) spinning various club bangers were enough to keep me there until about 3:30 when I stumbled home. True to their word, War and Moon supplied enough complimentary drinks to last throughout the night---and I am pretty sure it was a bad idea to test them on that. I don't remember much else about the night, and the lovely pictures (taken by Miss Megan Tou) tell a story I think it would be best to forget. I salvaged a couple that I thought weren't too horrible...it says a lot that these were the best ones... Megan Tou is a fashion designer by day, sweaty picture-taker by night. She has a singular talent of capturing the most embarrassing Sparks-filled moments of our lives and publishing them on her Flickr. Her preferred medium is photography, dance, and liquor.

MEDIA: Degradation of Women in the Media or...The Search for New Pussy

Despite the broad strides women have made in the past decades, in terms of occupation, education, and just plain darn respect, ladies are still pigeonholed. Women are either Virgins or Whores; Mary, Mother of Jesus or Mary Magdalene, Prostitute; Hillary or Monica.

If I were to buy in to this conundrum, I'd have to say that the Pussycat Dolls are whores...Fabulous dancing ones at that! I cannot stop watching "The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll" in the way that people naturally slow down to watch a car crash. Within a few episodes, Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin helped the contestants build their confidence by having them dance in lingerie in a glass box. There are two stripper poles on either side of the cage in all performances. The girls outfits almost always consist of a "dress" that I am convinced is really a long top with matching panties. One of the girls, who admittedly cannot sing at all, was kept of the show for weeks because she can kick her leg over her head effortlessly, presenting portions of the female body that I have never even seen on myself! (Might I add, this high kick is perfectly illustrated to the right...)

"where the sun don't shine" High Kick

by Miss Sarah Hoy

Why is it that a reality show in which women (girls of 18-19 really) repeatedly make fools of themselves so entertaining? Watching girls cry, fight and sing off-key is not only hilarious, but engaging enough to waste one hour of my week on. And while I love America's Next Top Model, it is also another prime example of what happens when 9 or so girls are stuffed together in a house. There is always a bitch, a peacemaker, a naive girl from the country, sassy black girl...There is such a thing as creative editing in all reality shows, but why is it so easy for women to fall into the roles pre-determined for us, not just on TV but in life?
I don't think there are any easy answers to these questions, and as a self-professed "sassy black girl" myself, maybe the clue is that we do this to ourselves. And who can we blame when it inevitably makes for great TV? Some of my obviously more mature friends tell me that they switch the channel immediately after Top Model and I wish I could do the same. From the moment I saw glitter, high kicks and feather boas married with such phrases as "She's got that Las Vegas white trash appeal I love" I was hooked. Thank goodness there's only going to be one season...

By the way, let me introduce my brand-spankin new featured illustrator, Miss Sarah Hoy. Her quirky little drawings capture a childlike spirit, maybe because she spends all day working on children's books as a graphic designer. Sarah's preferred medium is hilighters and ballpoint pens on Post-It Notes.

RANDOM AWESOME: New York, They've Got You Covered

As I have often remarked since moving here over a year ago, New York City makes a great effort to entertain and occupy its masses. Never have I attended so many free events with open bars, all varieties of swag (free stuff), and amazing bands and artists that I would actually pay to see (and I'm pretty cheap so that's saying quite a bit). Anyway, there are few forms of entertainment that are at their core free---and you would think sex is one of them. Sadly, with the rising cost of healthcare, even that is no longer free. But wait, here comes New York City rushing to save the day! The New York City Health department has taken a step beyond all the other promiscuous big cities and branded their own free condom. The new, dare I say hipper condom was unveiled on Valentine's Day (also National Condom Day) at the Kenneth Cole store in Rockefeller center. The repackaged LifeStyles lubricated condoms features flashy black foil packets emblazoned with colorful motifs of Subway lines. I could make many an amusing quip about subway sex but it's just too easy. Why not just visit NYC Condom and find out where to get some? The NYC Condom is available all over the city at bars, hair salons, restaurants, city buildings and cafes. And did I mention that they are free? Not keeping it in your pants has never been so easy.

PARTIES: Yo Majesty Graces Bushwick with their Royal Presence

So my first and only experience with Yo Majesty was at an “Ultimate Mega Loft Party” in a converted warehouse in Bushwick and I think I was either too drunk or just drunk enough to appreciate it. This tough girl trio from Tampa started out with "Club Action" a rump shakin club banger that got everyone going. Once Jewel of Yo Majesty started stripping (her signature move) and the Day-Glo necklaces came out I blanked out a bit, but I know the party was awesome.
Unlike most female rappers these days, of which there are few, Yo Majesty relies on bold machismo and grab-your-dick bravado worthy of a crew of construction workers from South Philly. With their wife-beaters, dreads and shades these girls spit rhymes so quick the only words I can remember from Club Action are "club action", but the beat is stuck in my brain.
I've never claimed to be a music aficionado, quite the opposite, so I'll leave the real reviews to those in the know...I copped this from an LA Weekly review Yo Majesty posted on their MySpace, and I find it to be pretty spot on...

"'Daaaamn!' That's all we can say when we listen to the rap riot that is Yo Majesty, three freaky Florida femmes with rhymes spicier than Salt -N-Pepa and bombastic beats that'd make J.J. Fad proud (eat your humps out, Fergie). This old-school girl trio may be naughty — check out the choppy synth bobs and bossy braggadocio of "Kryptonite Pussy" and "Hustle Mode" — but the fierce delivery makes it come off fresh, never forced." - LA Weekly

RANDOM AWESOME: Jay-Z Renews Former Career as Coke Pusher

Jay-Z's label Rocawear has been commissioned to re-design the Cherry Coke and Cherry Coke Zero cans. As part of the deal with Coca-Cola, Jay-Z is also involved in writing commercial jingles and unveiled the new Cherry Coke can during fashion week in February. Now, I don't really care if Jay-Z chooses to whore himself out commercially as much as possible---the man is trying to become a member of the Knowles family. I am excited about Cherry Coke Zero though...

RANDOM AWESOME: Valentine's Day Sucks...

but here are some things that don't...













this awesome new clock I peeped on NOTCOT.org. The face is removable so you can insert your favorite fabric swatch. Since SuckUK is (obviously) based in Britain, they chose a predictable Burberry fabric for the pic. You, however can choose something more in keeping with your decorating scheme. Flamingos perhaps?

Ramblin Worker is an amazing artist who wanted me to be his Flickr friend, I guess because I take close up pictures of cool art. His name is Steve, he doesn't have a bio on his site, but I love everything he makes. Ramblin is showing at MaxFish in May, by the way...

I've been legally allowed to vote for quite some time and I never have. I'm a baaad citizen. So I'm registering in NYC and in keeping with this theme, I love My.BarackObama.com. Now, I'm not saying I'm voting for him but he is a P-I-M-P for cashing in on the MySpace generation. On his campaign website you can create a profile, network with friends, start an Obama-themed blog, check out his Flickr site...does any of this sound familiar?






my new Jockey thermal long undies with a No Panty Line Promise. They are super-soft, thinner than knit stockings and WARM! Go get you some!

and my friends of course, parties and Sparks...they don't suck at all!

DESIGN: Virtual Shoe Museum

designer: Meret Oppenheim

The new website Virtual Shoe Museum features a large glossary of the newest shoe designs categorized by designer, color, focus (ankle, buckle, print, instep, etc.), use, style and materials. Don't expect to find strappy sandals and Manolos here though. These shoes are almost strictly experimental designers you probably haven't heard of. Notably, Vivienne Westwood and Vincent Van Gogh are featured. Irregular Choice is the only designer I found that is actually widely available in stores.

The website was initiated by Liza Snook in 2004. She has searched for designers and photographers to help launch the site and now it boasts some of the most beautiful, precious, strange and impossible shoe designs I have ever seen all in one place.

Sign up for the newsletter to get updates on exhibits in your inbox.

designer: Roswitha Van Rijn

DESIGN: Fill in the Cat!

NEL is a collective of designers who collaborate in experimental projects that explore design through materials, techniques and applications. They first showed "Stitch Kit" in Milan, which can be seen on their website.

The project I found the most interesting (probably because I'm a cat person) was "Fill in the Cat", shown in Milan in 2006. The designers carve images of a cat, bird and stack of books from large white blocks. The resultant empty space is then filled with personal belongings, as shown at right.

The use of the objects then changes the space and its meaning generating "a continuously changing story: a cat that reads Italo Calvino, a book filled with coins, a living room where birds come to eat the cake's crumbles… "

PARTIES: Girl Talk at Studio B

Last night Pittsburgh-born act Girl Talk (a.k.a. Gregg) performed his hits at Greenpoint's newest venue Studio B. Girl Talk is super hyped up, and after the show I know why. Studio B was packed to capacity with the 18 and over crowd (making a party 18 and up is a sure way to sell out a venue, especially when none of the bartenders check wristbands). Everyone was excited, drunk, pushing---there was actually no need to dance, just stand still and "everyone can move together", as Gregg often screamed over the crowd.

About 50 people were also on the stage, sweating and stripping down to "I've Got the Power" and Billy Joel's "Rich Girl" played under Lil' Wayne, Jay-Z and LL Cool J hits---all within 2 minutes. Girl Talk is cut-tastic pop, all your favorites chopped and screwed up together making for some awesome party tracks. It's hard to explain how fast each song is mashed together, check out his MySpace for a clue.

Which made it all the worse that I had little to no dance space! As my girl Leah oft remarked last night, Girl Talk would be great at a house party, where the keg and the cheap liquor keep flowing and the crowd is guaranteed to be at least over 20 (not 16 with a fake ID)...All in all, it was worth it just to see the spectacle and the crowd surfing. Oh and the fact that was completely lax security in the backstage area and we hung out there for a couple hours dining on free ham, Brie and those little boxes of SunMaid raisins I haven't seen since I was a kid.

PARTIES: DJ Premier at the Rub!

Williamsburg and Bushwick are chock full of crazy warehouse parties and bars and various other places to get drunk, krunk and whatever suits your fancy. Waaay down here in Southern Brooklyn, we have The Rub. This monthly hip-hop/soul/funk part-ay is a mainstay in Southern Brooklyn, headlined by DJs Cosmo Baker, DJ Ayres and DJ Eleven. It's about the only place, besides someone's under-sized apartment, to really get down.

So...then I want to somehow make people understand DJ Premier 's awesomeness and I can't. But Wikipedia always has the answer.

"Christopher E. Martin, better known as DJ Premier is a prominent Hip Hop producer and DJ, and the instrumental half of the duo Gang Starr, together with MC Guru.
Most consider DJ Premier to be one of the greatest producers in the history of hip-hop. Many see him as the single best."

Oh wait, and he's worked with EVERYONE...including Nas, Jay-Z, Biggie Smalls, Common, Mos Def, Fat Joe, Brand Nubian, Big Daddy Kane, Heavy D, Limp Bizkit(?). I said everyone.

And The Rub plus DJ Premier, WTF!?! On February 3rd, at approximately 1AM, DJ Premier took the turntables at Southpaw and made them his bitch. He played everything I wanted to hear, and everything I didn't know I wanted to hear and we all danced and danced and danced. And now we all know that when The Rub says guest DJ, we should all stand up take notice. And if you weren't there, it so sucks to be you right now.

DESIGN: Ron Mueck and the Brooklyn Museum

Australian-born Ron Mueck's self-titled show at the Brooklyn Museum has seemingly been on everyone's mind (and in Time Out NY) for the past few weeks. I had to work through a major hangover to go on Sunday when I found out it was the last day it would be on view, and it was definitely worth it. Very rarely do I see a show I dislike, but I also rarely see a show that inspires me as much. Mueck's sculptures are all either much larger than life, or very small; what they all have in common is their exquisite details. Each statue looks as though it might shift, breathe, pounce at any moment. Every hair, eyelash, even the creases on elbows and knees are amazingly more than life-like; if it was not for their size, anyone would mistake one of Mueck's pieces for a real-life human being. Please note the size of the woman in the chair next to the work featured above, "In Bed". She is dwarfed by the head alone.

The artist honed his skill during his years working in puppetry and special effects in film and television. Generally using fiberglass and silicon, Mueck sculpts each piece alone, only employing assistance in the largest pieces. He always creates the eyes himself, which I find to be touching; each piece seems to gaze almost accusingly at the viewer, as though to wonder why they are being studied in such vulnerable poses. This is Mueck's last show before the collection moves on to Ottawa, Canada, so hopefully whoever wanted to go went already. If you didn't see the show, there is a video which details how the works are made is up on blip.tv. This video was filmed during the artist's residency at the National Gallery in London. While it cannot compare with seeing it live, it is always amazing to see an artist ply their craft.

If you don't have a high-speed internet connection, there is a short excerpt from the video on the Brooklyn Museum's website.

DESIGN: Design Life Triennial 2006 pt. 2

I went to the Triennial on Saturday, and, surprisingly I have very little to say. Except for please go see it---there are no words. Three floors of the Cooper-Hewitt are literally covered in "experimental designs and emerging ideas" from wall to wall. There is something for everyone and it seems that the designers featured are pulling out the stops to bring us the brightest and the best.

The only downside is that you would think that an exhibit about design would attempt to grab the eye and flow a bit better. It can be a little stagnant at times...especially at the Ipod display...but I still think it's worth it.

I wouldn't want to ruin anything but definitely remember to #1: look up, there's awesome things to see on the ceiling, #2: bring some handi-wipes, your fingers will be covered in chalk, #3: no pictures, please! so if you know how to turn the flash off on your camera phone, use that instead when no one is looking.

DESIGN: Design Life Triennial 2006

Cooper-Hewitt Design Museum is currently hosting the National Design Life Triennial 2006. Now for all of you who have been majorly lax on getting out to galleries and museums, this is the one for you. Boasting the talents of 87 American designers, the exhibitors span from established trendsetters to bright newcomers. Who I'm excited to see: KidRobot (amazing toy distributors and solely responsible of the brightly patterned men's sweatshirt trend), Narciso Rodriguez (monochromatic all-star and SJP's favorite fashion designer), and NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (self-explanatory).

I'll make a more formal review once I actually go, but check out some pictures from the Design Life site. Or actually visit the site yourself: Design Life Now because it’s so nice to see people doing what they (presumably) love to do…especially while I’m chasing belt submits from Hong Kong.

DESIGN: It Came From the 80's!

My new favorite site is NOTCOT.org and my favorite item on it is the Optimus Prime Transformer paper robot pictured at left. You can find his awesomeness at Paper Robots 1999.com , complete with instructions and a free PDF color printout. And, oh wait did I mention this paper robot actually transforms? I'm pretty damn lazy so our CAD designer is going to make two and we'll fight them!

Anyway, NOTCOT.org is the brainchild of Jean Aw, a young L.A. designer who apparently spends much of her day scoping the web for some of the most intriguing items I've ever seen. Oh and also traveling the globe looking for "designer hotspots"...did I mention I'm so jealous? Please visit her site, you'll find something awesome to gawk at.

The Bogota Bistro

Pan-Latin Cuisine meets Park Slope

I’ve been ignoring the small neon sign of Bogota Bistro for quite some time now, because from the outside it looks like a bar full of bar food, like gourmet potato skins and chicken wings. Plus 5th Avenue in Park Slope is overstuffed with restaurants --- numerous Asian fusion and Mexican joints that I’ve enjoyed for a year or more. What a fool I’ve been! Bogota, named for the capital of Colombia, features authentic Pan-Latin cuisine, live bands and an extensive cocktail and wine list.

The décor consists of mucho crazy stuff on the walls, but not in a nasty T.G.I. Friday’s way. My favorite was a Warhol knock-off of a pouty Latina. The murals and plastic ice cube encased lights also add to the festive interior. The atmosphere is LOUD, which could be bad for intimate conversation, or great for a first date with someone you aren’t sure you have anything in common with. Or dinner with your boyfriend’s mom or a former friend from high school you definitely have nothing in common with

I started out with a drink because, 1) I just came from work and 2) Happy Hour lasts all night long from Monday to Wednesday. The strawberry margarita is a little more fruity than boozy --- it has frozen strawberry chunks at the bottom. They also feature the Brazilian national drink, the caipirinha. I skipped the appetizers and had the breaded and fried porkchops, sweet plantains and seasoned rice which were all tender, perfect and flavorful respectively. My only complaint is that all the sauces were spicy and a chilli pepper-a-phobe like myself would like a mild option. My dinner mates had roasted chicken with cilantro mashed potatoes and a skirt steak sandwich with a side salad. The chicken was good, not special but the cilantro mashed potatoes were green and extremely tasty, I definitely recommend those.

All in all it was a satisfying meal, and worth the $20 tab. Also notable, you can skip the meal and just get drinks at the (slightly raucous) bar, though missing out on the food would be somewhat of a travesty.

Appetizers: $4 - $8
Sandwiches: $9
Entrees: $12 - $24
Drinks: $5 (Happy Hour) - $9 for cocktails

Radical Lace & Subversive Knitting

Arsenic & Lace

Knitting and crocheting have enjoyed a surprising surge in popularity in the last decade, mostly due to stressed out celebutantes who knit scarves. Now traditionally female fiber arts have been embraced by youth culture; there is even a knitting circle (Cast Off) based in the London Underground. The thirty international artists featured in Radical Lace & Subversive Knitting use a variety of materials (including old car parts, paper doilies, wires, fiber optics, video) in traditional and completely new ways to create works that shock and inspire.

Dave Cole's small teddy bear knit out of gunmetal-colored lead yarn is adorable---and poisonous to the touch. An intricate crochet blanket reads “IT SUCKS” in the center, the artist’s commentary on how much it must suck to crochet for a living. Freddie Robins, a political guerilla knitter from the U.K., showcases an S&M style bodysuit knit of gray yarn and pierced with knitting needles and embroidered with the words “Craft Kills”. These pieces compel the viewer to re-think grandma’s tatted lace pillows, especially in light of Hildur Bjarnadóttir’s tatted lace tablecloth complete with skulls. Visit the museum website for just a taste of the three floors of fiber arts currently on display. http://www.madmuseum.org

A Peek In Her Closet --- A New Couture Exhibit at the Met

“There are no chic women in America. The one exception is Nan Kempner” ---Diana Vreeland.

Though Nan Kempner worked as the fashion editor for Harper’s bazaar, as a contributing editor for French Vogue, and a consultant for Tiffany’s, the role she is most remembered for is “the world’s most famous clotheshorse”. The Nan Kempner: American Chic exhibit at the Costume Institute showcases some of the most daring and exquisite pieces from this Best Dressed Hall of Famer’s closet.

Highlights include a YSL silk faille gold opera coat, a Phillip Treacy hat made from feathers, and a striped evening jacket with intricately-draped sleeves. It is interesting to observe that Kempner definitely had favorite themes, most notably nautical and sea-life. There is a YSL raw silk jacket decorated with nautilus shells, a few dazzling coral and gold necklaces, and (my personal favorite) Judith Leiber purse fashioned from a nautilus and red leather.

While she collected pieces from various couture designers, she was faithful to a fault to Yves St. Laurent, saying that he designed clothes that fit her body perfectly because he designed for people like himself. Other designers Kempner favored included Oscar de la Renta, Michael Kors, Madame Gres, and Valentino. Unlike her contemporaries, she mixed and matched haute couture designer and ready to wear outfits liberally to suit her tastes, earning her the reputation of refined Park Avenue elegance.

Slender, tan, blonde, rich and notable for saying “I loathe fat people”, I dare you to love her anyway, if not for her uber-chic tailored power suits, then for her sweet peach ruffled coming out dress designed by Jean Dessès. This full skirted crinoline-lined dress covered in lace ruffles is the first of many pieces she donated to the museum before she died in 2005 of emphysema. Kempner started smoking at 14 and was known to alternate her breathing mask with a cigarette and champagne; she died at 74 leaving this legacy of haute couture, quite possibly the last great couture collection in the world, spanning 6 decades of American and European fashion.

"I want to be buried naked, I know there's a store where I'm going." ---Nan Kempner

The Party's Over --- An Ancient Story from the Summer

September 06

So for those of you who didn’t know and are currently kicking yourselves, the Williamsburg venue McCarren Pool has been hosting free (FREE!) parties all summer featuring bands that you’d normally have to pay $20 and up to see in a hot smoky bar/party/basement and a featured DJ spinning between sets. The Bon Savants, Deerhoof and Of Montreal were just a few. The best part, other than not having to lug my bulky wallet around, is that the venue is actually a large, drained community pool with a Slip & Slide, a Ben & Jerry’s truck and organic burgers and hot dogs.

This last pool party was headlined by none other than fellow Philly alum MC SpankRock, the skinny jean-wearing, fitted cap-sporting porn rapper that makes it cool for indie hip-hoppers to wear belly shirts. Gang Gang Dance, Shy Child, and Nuclear Family started the show, with the Rub DJs/Park Slope heroes Cosmo Baker and DJ Ayres supplying the background beats. When SpankRock took the stage the crowd could not have been more excited---until M.I.A. and Diplo surprised everyone with a cameo and the pool was covered in rainbow confetti, balloons and Brooklyn Lager. All in all, a purely satisfying end to the summer---see everyone next year!

Mission Statement

Yesterday, in the midst of nursing a hangover, I had an early-life crisis...which I define as having any sort of empty-nest syndrome type melodrama over failed life goals before one hits 35. I miss writing and I miss people reading my writing, even if it was only my friends. I frantically authored 4 writing samples and sent them off to websites looking for bloggers and now I've posted them here. There's no running theme expect for maybe things to do on a Saturday in New York City.