THIS DUMB WORLD: Childhood gets Botoxed

So...I was alerted to this awful phenomenon by the NY Magazine blog (a.k.a. my only source of news currently). Apparently all of our favorite childhood cartoon characters are getting fresh make-overs to appeal to the children of today. The Vulture does a good job of spelling it all out, so I won't re-hash it here. But can I take the time to detail the most awful atrocities??



Care Bears: Who doesn't love Care Bears? Adorable, sweet little bears that want us to all care about each other? Apparently today's children find it difficult to identify with sharing and caring if it comes in a pudgy package. So the Care Bears have less belly-fat and longer eyelashes. Much like post-Parent Trap Lindsey Lohan.



Strawberry Shortcake: American Greetings has replaced the gumdrops our favorite doll loved with fresh-fruit, which is probably why she is so much slimmer. Oh, and her calico cat Custard? The sweetest little printed cat on TV? Got replaced by a fucking CELL PHONE. WTF? Ok, the candy they can explain away with "obese children...blah blah...nutrition...blah" And I get that, it's pretty sad to see little kids who are already into adult-sized clothing. But you can't replace a living, breathing pet with a fucking cell phone. Come on!



Mickey Mouse: About to go under the plastic surgeon's scalpel once Disney decides whether he needs American Apparel or a tibetan prayer scarf tied cowboy style around his neck.

I'm so incensed I've taken the time to write this and then promptly forget about it. But when you see goth-Tweety bird, don't say I didn't warn you.

RANDOM AWESOME: Little Girls Rock the H*ll Out

I'm not into children, at all. I don't want to have any and I'm sorry if that makes me evil or somehow femininely deficient. But if I had a little girl I would be so down for this:

Willie Mae Mini Rock Camp for Girls promises to train little wannabe prissy wenches into little awesome chicks...little awesome chicks with guitars! Or drums, bass, and turntables! Founded in 2004, the camp is non-profit and "is founded on the proposition that music can serve as a powerful tool of self-expression and self-esteem-building for girls and young women, and can help combat racism and stereotypes by building bridges of communication and shared experience among girls from diverse communities." That's a tall order but they've been going strong all this time and a movie about the original Portland camp is coming out soon in theaters.

The summer program, a week long intensive is located (as if you couldn't have guessed) in Brooklyn. Oh wait, I almost forgot the best part --- the campers write their own songs too! This year promises grrrrl rockers/teachers like Kathleen Hanna (Bikini Kill) and Kimya Dawson (Moldy Peaches).

Like most people, I have a secret dream to be a part of a band, and even though my friends would guess I'd rather be in Danity Kane shaking it in hiphuggers and glitter, there is something to be desired about being in a crazy rock band screaming my head off. Sadly, the camp only takes girls between 8 and 18...my dreams go deferred once again.