Saturday, June 14, 2008

THIS DUMB WORLD: Childhood gets Botoxed

So...I was alerted to this awful phenomenon by the NY Magazine blog (a.k.a. my only source of news currently). Apparently all of our favorite childhood cartoon characters are getting fresh make-overs to appeal to the children of today. The Vulture does a good job of spelling it all out, so I won't re-hash it here. But can I take the time to detail the most awful atrocities??

Care Bears: Who doesn't love Care Bears? Adorable, sweet little bears that want us to all care about each other? Apparently today's children find it difficult to identify with sharing and caring if it comes in a pudgy package. So the Care Bears have less belly-fat and longer eyelashes. Much like post-Parent Trap Lindsey Lohan.

Strawberry Shortcake: American Greetings has replaced the gumdrops our favorite doll loved with fresh-fruit, which is probably why she is so much slimmer. Oh, and her calico cat Custard? The sweetest little printed cat on TV? Got replaced by a fucking CELL PHONE. WTF? Ok, the candy they can explain away with "obese children...blah blah...nutrition...blah" And I get that, it's pretty sad to see little kids who are already into adult-sized clothing. But you can't replace a living, breathing pet with a fucking cell phone. Come on!

Mickey Mouse: About to go under the plastic surgeon's scalpel once Disney decides whether he needs American Apparel or a tibetan prayer scarf tied cowboy style around his neck.

I'm so incensed I've taken the time to write this and then promptly forget about it. But when you see goth-Tweety bird, don't say I didn't warn you.